Horribad Games: The Record of Agarest War 2, Way of the Samurai 4, and Double Dragon Neon

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The first up on our Horribad listing is, The Record of Agarest War 2. Why exactly is this game considered “Horribad” you ask? Let’s take a trip in the world of Agarest War, where players are thrown into the shoes of a God-killer. He’s accompanied by some guy with confidence problems, but not so low of self-esteem that he wouldn’t murder a super-powered diety. The two of them slay the god and a burst of white light engulfs the world. The hero is mystically found by a magical healer who just takes in strays any chance she gets. Did I forget to mention that this guy has a case of the “forgot it all’s.”

That’s exactly right; he’s become an amnesiac and doesn’t know what he’s done. It takes some incredibly rude woman to appear and try to convince him he is of course… a God killer. Now let’s just pause right there, because if someone tried to tell me that I killed a “GOD”, I’d probably slap them across the lips in zero-point-five seconds flat. Not this guy though, he’s just like “Oh that’s kind of weird, come tag along with us to places.” She does eventually let him know that he has to take responsibility, and let this deity climb into his mouth and take his body. That would just lead me to believe that this woman had completely flown the cuckoo’s nest!

Yet again, this guy seems like he’ll do anything to get his memory back. So he’s like man… “As long as I find out what I did… I’ll let anybody get up inside me.” This is really how the journey begins in this game; this guy agrees to do ridiculous things at the whim of a crazy person. The only remaining hope would be that this game has some kind of extraordinary game mechanics. NOPE! Agarest War’s combat consists of mashing a variety of buttons after breaking an enemy’s guard. I wish this was a joke, the tutorial literally just makes you press some buttons and says “Don’t stand in an enemy’s zone”. That’s all you get, welcome to the combat of the game.

Right then and there, I knew that I was in for a Horribad experience. The pain doesn’t even stop at that list though, it’s like the game lacks any kind of polish whatsoever. The over world is a lifeless and ugly area that is completely void of any sort of scenic landscapes. This in turn would be acceptable if the towns were full of vibrant citizens with houses to randomly walk into. Not here in Agarest War 2; you instead find yourself in dull hub cities for buying items.

 Once all of the items are gathered and the player is bored to death by the everlasting gobstopper of dialogue windows. The player can maneuver out of the town and towards the so-called “Dungeons” of the game. Now if you’re like me, you’re expecting something fun when you go to the most action oriented area of a game. I’m looking for The Legend of Zelda, or some fun Persona style dungeon crawling at the least. Not in Agarest War 2, you get another hub that leads you to single battles in the same area. Now since we already established that this combat is boring and generic, I decided that was enough of my time wasted and deleted this game from my hard drive.

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Let’s move on to a game series that I had a crush on back in the Playstation 2 days. The Way of the Samurai series places you in the role of a Ronin who becomes the middle man of three factions. These factions never vary in any of the games in the series. There will always be the rebellious faction who can’t stand how the people are being treated. The “Police” faction that always has this really cool officer, but the rest of the police are usually dicks. Last but certainly not least, you have the “Townie” faction. This also has something to do with someone who is inherently good, and must be protected by the super strong Samurai.

The Ronin can run around town and get involved in these factions, or discover new situations to get involved in. This can lead to a variety of endings, since the game usually has 10+ endings for you to discover. You can also just run about town stabbing people in the stomach, or spend your time building up a sword that can one kill strong enemies in one fell swoop. I love this kind of gameplay, but after Way of the Samurai 2… the games became stagnant and stopped advancing themselves.

Way of the Samurai 3 came out on Playstation 3 and Xbox 360; it featured almost zero changes from, Way of the Samurai 2. It was more of the same stuff we already played, and the graphics didn’t really get any better. That’s not to say that it stopped me from playing the game, I forgave it and would have given it a C- due to my love of the series. Way of the Samurai 4 however… now this game I just cannot forgive.

The fourth game looks worse than part three, and changes almost nothing for the better. One of the storyline options has you chasing after a girl that looks to be about 14 years old. The combat system still only has the player fighting one person at a time. For a game that looks like it belongs on Playstation 2, there is constant slowdown in populated areas. For some reason they felt the need to make the U.I. completely unintuitive. Let’s not forget the screen tearing issue that follows you into every single area in the game.

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Finally, we are graced with Double Dragon Neon. The world shines just as brightly as the last name depicts. The larger than life graphics are quite impressive for a two-dimensional game, the action is silky smooth and the backdrops are just as captivating as a shooter of the same ilk. Some cheesy voices are littered through the game, with the main villain doing his best Monarch impression. The soundtrack is where the true impact from Neon lies. The OST remixes classic tracks from the original, with some hair metal influenced songs to match each area and new skill earned.

It’s unfortunate that the fighting is where this title falls flat on its face. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not calling the game complete trash or anything. I just don’t feel like it even competes with any of the previous Double Dragon titles barring three.  The characters that the players control are far too slow in comparison to the animations on-screen. Neon is a side-scrolling brawler that wants to be a Contra style shooter, but it’s much too confused to determine which genre it’s actually going for.

Combat is slow and plodding from the very start of the game. Billy and Jimmy Lee never seem to become faster strikers, but in each level the enemies become faster and more agile. So players have to employ traditional 2D tactics, but the enemies can do whatever they want. The bosses and regular scoundrels you face will also become invincible on certain moves. So they can spawn right on top of the player and get a few free hits without giving you a chance. Not on that… but the collision system is occasionally spotty, allowing Billy or Jimmy to miss a direct blow or receive hits from nowhere.

It’s like they didn’t even try with any of these games… and you know what makes the matter even worse? Two of these titles are forty dollar downloads, forty dollars for games that are extremely bug-filled and are trumped up Playstation 2 games. I wouldn’t even complain if these games came out for like $20, because that’s something I could appreciate. I would literally say… “Oh man, these games are going to be full of bugs but for $20? I’m in!” Unfortunately, with games that cost $25 and below that are awesome like The Walking Dead. You’d have to be telling a joke if you think either Way of the Samurai 4, or Agarest War 2 is worth more than $20 bucks flat. Double Dragon Neon, is free if you’re a Playstation Plus subscriber, and $9.99 isn’t really a bad deal for some great music and average gameplay. If you’re a wise buyer, just forgo the game for now and look for the OST online by, Jake Kaufman. Not all of these games necessarily earn the title Horribad, but two out of three is damn good enough!